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In Memoriam: My Son Is Gone Too Soon

Jean Henderson

New member
First Day of the Dead Since My Son Left Us

IMG_0099.jpg

Twelve days ago, we buried my son, Rulon "Lonnie" Henderson. His smile was legendary as was his kindness to strangers as much as to friends. Nineteen days ago, he left us for his new work elsewhere in the Universe.

These nineteen days have been the most difficult of my life. From the moment I fell to the ground when the State Trooper gave me the horrible news, I became incapable of making even an acceptable snap shot -- nor did I have any desire to do even that much. But my granddaughter, his niece who is in my guardianship, will need memories of this time when her family gathered around her to lift her up in her pain and her silent wondering about how such a thing could even happen to the uncle she loved so much -- so I had to try.

Then, while visiting Lonnie's grave the afternoon of Halloween, I felt that familiar urge to make a picture. Not that I had brought a camera for such a visit mind you! Then I realized that I DID have the iPhone Lonnie had encouraged me to purchased and had arrived four days before his death. I hesitantly took it out of my pocket. At first, I just took a picture from a distance, but that style of photography is not my usual one so I moved in closer for the photo above.

Earlier in the week, my granddaughter Justice had visited Lonnie's grave with his partner Ellyn. Together they brought flowers, but Justice also wanted to place a crayon with her Uncle Lonnie. Suddenly, that little crayon grabbed my interest and this photo was made:

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Those of you who may have some Christian feeling, may prefer this photo -- which contrasts life and death:

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The above was written on Nov. 2nd, this year's Day of the Dead. I must tell you that my 30 year old son had lived -- in his short life -- more fully than most people live in a much, much longer lifetime. At least 4 people of the 300+ who attended his wake told me that my son had changed their lives. The next morning, even though it was a work day, over 200 people attended his funeral services. I designed that service to be a celebration of life for a man who, though definitely not religious, was very, very spiritual. Yes, his body was carried in to Aaron Copeland's "Fanfare for the Common Man." That was followed by this version of John Lennon's "Imagine" as a way to celebrate both his world wide travels and the 9 months he spent living his dream by volunteering for an NGO founded and run by a group of young Scottish doctors to bring mobile medical clinics to the rural villages of Zambia's Southern Provence:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BcMcVTYKMX4

His smile and his infectious laugh -- that are still commented on by so many -- was, remarkably, a part of him from early infancy. They were matched only by the size of his spirit. Anyone that ever knew Lonnie would say he was the smartest, kindest and most gifted human being that they ever had the pleasure of knowing. He was the kind of person who would walk off a puddle jumper plane and make a new friend or two before he reached any kind of building. He never acknowledged the depth of his photographic skills (most of his photos were taken with an iPhone), but this is one I know he was proud of because, just at the beginning of October, he had asked me if I would print and frame it for him:

TheOldFashionedWay.jpg

Now here he is "in his element":

SillyMcGillyLonnie.jpg

And here he is with his partner, Ellyn, on a trip to Zambia's Northern Province where, a few years before, she had served as a member of the Peace Corps:

LonnieandEllyninNorthernProvince.jpg

May my son rest in deep, deep peace as he continues his new work in the beyond!

Now I thank any of you who have read this far for indulging a grieving Mom...
 

Asher Kelman

OPF Owner/Editor-in-Chief
First Day of the Dead Since My Son Left Us

IMG_0099.jpg

Twelve days ago, we buried my son, Rulon "Lonnie" Henderson. His smile was legendary as was his kindness to strangers as much as to friends. Nineteen days ago, he left us for his new work elsewhere in the Universe.

Jean,

It's no easy matter for a mother to deal with the loss of a son. There are no words adequate to provide consolation. The only respite is knowing that your son had such an important influence on others who will carry his good memory with them always. Your grandchild will bring you unending rewards and that's the future for us both.

I wish you joy in the things to come, with many new ideas and experiences to discover and share.

On behalf of everyone here on OPF, we wish you strength and a renewed spirit to go forward and accomplish the kinds of things your son cherished that inspired others.

Asher
 
First Day of the Dead Since My Son Left Us
May my son rest in deep, deep peace as he continues his new work in the beyond!

Now I thank any of you who have read this far for indulging a grieving Mom...

Hi Jean,

My condolences. I'm very sorry for your loss and wish you lots of strength in the time ahead.

Bart
 
Hi Jean,
When I read this on your Google+ page, I left a note on your blog but just in case you haven't seen it I want to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. We don't know each other well but I only imagine that losing one's child is the most painful thing for someone to endure. I wish I could hug you and hold you and take away the pain.

Life is eternal; and love is immortal; and death is only a horizon; and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight.

(((hugs)))
Maggie
 

Michael Nagel

Well-known member
Jean,

I am sorry for your loss and I wish you, your family, the friends he left behind all the force you need now.

My best wishes for all of you.
Michael
 
Jean,

My prayers are with you and your family and all the people who were so wonderfully touched by your son. Your photos reflect a very important shared moment in time. His pictures speak of a worldly moment of timeless love not to be forgotten. Thank you for sharing this with all of us.

Bill
 

Jean Henderson

New member
Thank you Dr. Schmitt. I asked another doc if he believed in life in the great beyond and he, too, agreed. I figure you guys have some "up close and personal" experience to base such beliefs on. Only once was I with a person at the moment of her death, but it convinced me for sure of life after death.

I was only 22 and doing special duty in the hospital on the third shift for this woman in her mid-eighties. She had come in dehydrated, but conscious. The last five days of her life she spent in a coma. After changing her position and giving her back care, I was sitting beside her writing my nurses notes (I'm not an RN, but my Mom was and I had had extensive training which, by today's standards would be about the level of a PCT). Now the next things I am about to describe happened in just fractions of a second.

So I am writing the notes when all of a sudden I feel this energy (for lack of a better description) travel off the top inch and half of my head, join a similar energy arising from her abdomen and traveling at great speed -- and in a sense of a tunnel -- right out the window on the far side of both of us. All that before I could lift up my head. Yet, by the time I did, I KNEW she was already dead. I immediately jumped up and felt for a wrist pulse, knowing as I went for her wrist that I would no longer find one. I did not so I immediately went for the charge nurse.

When I got home that morning, my Mom was sitting at the kitchen table having her coffee. When I told her what had happened, she simply replied, "Oh, I am so glad you were the one who was with her! Isn't death a beautiful experience?"

AT the time, it wasn't such a beautiful experience because, in all the training I was given about the physiological aspects of death, one thing had been omitted -- the collapse of the lungs and the emergence of the so-called "death rattle." I could "hear" that sound in my head for years afterwards, but once it subsided, I knew that I had been granted an unusual experience and that nothing would ever convince that life does not continue in some form after the death of our physical bodies.

It was easier when my parents died because they both had lived into their 80s, but I am SO grateful to have been given such an experience as a young adult now that I have to see my child pass on before me!

Thank you all once again for allowing a grieving mother to indulge herself in a moment of her grief while her granddaughter is gone with her grandfather and cannot be here to witness my tears which make her very uncomfortable. Tears are not yet a part of her particular means of grieving.
 

Bruce Sdunek

New member
I can't imagine losing one of my children. My prayers go out for you. He sounds like he was a great guy and I hope he is with God.
I do like the photo with the cross.
 

Chris Heilman

New member
I am so sorry to read of your loss Jean, and I can tell, the world has been diminished with your son's passing. Hold on to your courage.
 

Jean Henderson

New member
Thank you so much Chris. Yesterday, the first month anniversary, I needed all the courage I could muster, but I managed to make it through. Thank you.
 
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