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My Time & Wife's Misunderstanding

E

Edward Bussa

Member
Okay, am I the only one, or can anyone relate to this?

Anne, my wife doesn't totally support/understand the amount of time I spend at my computer. With Spring just wrapping up and a timeline to finish some website work, I've been spending solid blocks of time in front of my computer on a regular basis. I think she is frustrated with this maybe because she doesn't think I'm doing anything? I understand how it might be hard for her to relate the time I spend "with my computer" and that she maybe even has some jealous feelings.

However, I have some goals I'd like to reach and I will need to spend the time to reach the goals. My question is, does anyone have any advice/humor for me?!

Any ideas and/or levity is appreciated! =D
 
K

Kathy Rappaport

pro member
Yes.

Ah, the Mars and Venus thing again. You are in your cave solving problems. She wants to communicate. Share with her what you are doing (not technical part!) and how long you will be at it. Make sure you spend some time with her. Women are about community and socialization.

Remember to tell her how much you love her and how beautiful she is. Wash dishes. Clean things. Pick up your socks and underwear off the floor. Do the Honey Do's. Buy her flowers. Suggest she go shopping for a new outfit. Then she won't care how much time you spend on the computer because you have made her happy.
 
E

Edward Bussa

Member
I like the part about "in the cave, solving problems" ... that sounds appealing. Its the part about washing dishes and cleaning things and other unmentionables that doesn't sound right!

Seriously, the part about "share with her what you are doing and HOW LONG YOU WILL BE AT IT" seems like sound advice. Good perspective - easy to lose in the task list ;)

Note to self: write note to tell wife about list
 
K

Kathy Rappaport

pro member
See it paid off!

My 1st husband was a graduate student later in life returning for his Masters Degree in Family Therapy. See what I learned by typing and writing all those papers! He never did learn to pick up or wash dishes (or type his papers either!) - Trust me on this one. He is my former husband!
 
W

Will_Perlis

New member
And after you tell her you love her and so on, ask her to keep an eye out for a dry alley and some shopping carts so you can quit working, be together all the time, and communicate even more.
 
Asher Kelman

Asher Kelman

OPF Owner/Editor-in-Chief
Ed,

I think we are guilty here. I can have 6 hours go by in a blink! The solution, I believe is to have a joint 2007 calendar with times blocked out for joint time together. This is the minimum. Also, don't say you are coming to dinner and not turn up!

A great idea take her shopping! Then a restaurant afterwards. Not an option, a necessity.

Asher
 
Asher Kelman

Asher Kelman

OPF Owner/Editor-in-Chief
Ed,

I think we are guilty here. I can have 6 hours go by in a blink! The solution, I believe is to have a joint 2007 calendar with times blocked out for joint time together. This is the minimum. Also, don't say you are coming to dinner and not turn up!

A great idea take her shopping! Then a restaurant afterwards. Not an option, a necessity. We need to make a point of listening and not making every subject lead to photography. Ask more about her projects and the things she has done that day. Women are better at self-disclosing than men, but men aren't necessarily available for listening once they have put a notch in their walking stick!

Asher
 
K

Kathy Rappaport

pro member
Asher

In your case, Asher, it's a charity event. I doubt that your beautiful Wendy wants you to take her shopping.

Thankfully, my Frank is at his computer when I am at mine and he even knows his way around an F stop and some PS2. Besides, he will go shopping and he cleans more than I do when necessary. The best part is that he tells me how beautiful I am every day. He can be all day at his computer for that one alone. Now if someone can teach him to cook....
 
G

Georg R. Baumann

Inactive
Edward Bussa said:
My question is, does anyone have any advice/humor for me?!
Any ideas and/or levity is appreciated! =D
Click to expand...

<head>
<title> happy wifey
<call procedure>
. 1
If wife=18-25 go to errorlevel 1, if wife unequal 18-25 got to 2
.. errorlevel 1, buy Xbox 360, continue automatic order of 1 new game every 2 weeks
. 2
If wife=25-40 got to errorlevel 2, if wife unequal 18-25 and/or unequal 25-40 go to 3
.. errorlevel 2, automatic rotation of 1. order flowers, 2. shoes, 3. faked 1 week cruiseship holidays (pay upfront) 4. faked emergency call of mother in law to visit arthritic cat 500 miles away 5. go back to 1.
. 3
If wife >40 got to errorlevel 3, if wife <40 go back to 1
.. errorlevel 3, Display emergancy number of meanest divorce lawyers in state, break all other procedures
<end procedure>
 
B

Ben Rubinstein

pro member
One thing that me and my wife discovered right from the beginning is the amount of pleasure we can have while not necessarily communicating, but being in the same room doing things and sharing a 'togetherness'. That means that we enjoy the fact that while I'm working on my computer, she is usually doing the same on her laptop just 2 meters away, we enjoy both sitting on the couch reading, infact being such avid bookworms we often read our way through supper. Enjoying being together doesn't mean that you have to be talking.

Of course for me, I work at home so we are together far more than most couples. When I'm working on the computer it's the work that brings in the money that pays the mortgage and puts food on the table and she understands and appreciates that just as I understand and appreciate the amount of work she has been putting in over the past 4 years in gaining a Bachelors and Masters degree, and just as I will be patient and understanding about the PhD that will follow G-d willing.

Communication and understanding is all important in a marrige, but most of all, COMMON SENSE!
 
Cem_Usakligil

Cem_Usakligil

Well-known member
Well said!

Ben Rubinstein said:
One thing that me and my wife discovered right from the beginning is the amount of pleasure we can have while not necessarily communicating, but being in the same room doing things and sharing a 'togetherness'. That means that we enjoy the fact that while I'm working on my computer, she is usually doing the same on her laptop just 2 meters away, we enjoy both sitting on the couch reading, infact being such avid bookworms we often read our way through supper. Enjoying being together doesn't mean that you have to be talking.

Of course for me, I work at home so we are together far more than most couples. When I'm working on the computer it's the work that brings in the money that pays the mortgage and puts food on the table and she understands and appreciates that just as I understand and appreciate the amount of work she has been putting in over the past 4 years in gaining a Bachelors and Masters degree, and just as I will be patient and understanding about the PhD that will follow G-d willing.

Communication and understanding is all important in a marrige, but most of all, COMMON SENSE!
Click to expand...
Hear, hear! Thanks for your voice of sanity Ben :). I couldn't agree more.

Cheers,
 
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