I think the second version is much better and works very well. Very simple and powerful.
Much better.
It's a terrific shot. In the top pic, the girl/boy looking out of frame on the left really added emotional interest for me. I miss that element in the final crop where we are left with only a shoulder. It would be interesting to see it cropped a little closer into the main character's right- side ear and keeping the left character in the picture. Then we'd have 3 expressions to become involved in. Lovely depth and deep charcoal texture!